Cloud 004 : Zen of Regrets

In our life, we have many regrets and most of them is those regret which will haunt us forever. For me, I have many regrets and it has been haunting me until this very day. It chill my spine every time when i remember these regrets, biting my teeth and hitting the walls until my fist bleed. It is very painful indeed, through to the core of my heart.

This recently, I had been revisiting those memories of regrets by unconscious, perhaps because of the recent events that are happening in my life. I had lost a lot of my faith in life, and the belief to chase success again. I regret, regret because of those decision I had made few years ago that haunted me until these very days. I had a rough path in my life because of those decision that I made at those times of my life. It's crazy to think about it, because it had happened in the past but it still bite my heart out every time I experiences some unpleasant events this recent year.

How I wish could go back to those time, when I made important decisions in my life. Although there were many regrets that I can't fix again in the past, there are some that I always remember to remind me of what future possibility could have been. One decision that I had regretted until today is the decision to left a big company which I joined four years ago, it was the biggest mistake in my life which had damaged my career path until today. Because of this decision I had to restart all that I had fight for three years before the decision been made, until today I am still recovering from the damaged of this decision. If I had not been to rash on my decision to gain fame, which are very false fame to be honest, I would have been in the front line of the career I started.

I was young, stupid, and inexperience in life decisions. For the punishment of this mistake, I had to endured so many setback in this 4 years. Arghh, how I wish could return to the time I made the decision, to slap me at that time before making the wrong move in my life. But.... this is life, we have to learn through mistakes, understand them and never repeat this same mistake again.

Because of this lesson, I had stay on the same path for 2 years above, reluctant to leave it path for another challenge. Perhaps, I am still waiting, waiting for sign from above that when my time to go, I will have the chance. But at the moment, the signs shown recently have told me to stay put, maybe until I had accomplish some goals.

I am not sure, but I only can wait. I can't have the luxury to be running around since I had someone to take care of. She also been in a lot stress in life this recently and I have to show all my support to her. Maybe until she have return to her own path in life, then I can consider mine again. Unselfishness...

Regrets are things that let a person grow up, and these lessons in life that make a person rise towards his goals. I believe, I trust, this must be a sign from above. You can read it through many books, written by those who walked through the same journey, living past regrets...

Lets hope for the best this year, hopefully there would be less regrets to lives on....