Cloud 005 : Life is Like Playing Professional Soccer

I am a great soccer fan, especially for English Premier League, and also a decade of fan for Manchester United. Ever since David Beckham scored the most magnificient goal of his career, loping the ball pass half court into the net from the goalkeeping of Wimbledon goalkeeper Neil Sullivan, I was Man U greatest follower since then. Is also when Man U won the treble back in 1999, when I saw Ole Gunner Sokjaer scored the final goal in European Champions League final during injury time, I devoted my loyalty to seek pleasure in pursuing soccer news ever since.

I played fooball manager game since my devotion to Man U, always choosing Man U as my team to start the campaign, never failed once in every year edition of the Football Manager / Championship Manager game that I had successfully chosen Man U for the team to play.

But tonight, I had the sudden realization that my life is like playing professional soccer, where there are contract period and transfer price for everything. In terms of contract to the football club is like our employment contract to the company, we sign the agreement with the company to provide our service to the company for the projects involved. Sometimes the contract can be bound for years, without any changes such as salary raise and that means bad news for your career. There are times after some time you might feel want to negotiate the contract with the club (company) but you feel refrain from doing so. Just because you feel you unworthy of a new contract, doesn't mean you shouldn't try to negotiate. More over if you like me had done massive contribution to the company all the time but still get ignored until now. This tend to get frustrating.

Then when you think about the transfer issues in football, you tend to interpret that as the time of your tolerance to the company you work for. When you had work at the company for sometime and there still no improvement over your contract, you might start to think about submitting the transfer listed request, a.k.a start to look for other job employment. That's how footballer life is, you don't tend to be bench all the time so you get so frustrated and start seeking other clubs to join. And then there's also the case if you already been a major contributor to the club (company) for so long, and your contract still not yet been negotiate is like the club (company) insulting your professional career. When this happen, is normal to start to thinking about other clubs to join, where you can contribute your skill for better cause.

It is frustrating at time to think about such cases, but this is such a life for a professional footballer also. When you play well but you are not offer a new contract, you transfer to other club. When you are bench warmer and never get the chance to shine, you transfer to other club. Taking the case of Carlos Tevez at Man U for instance, he got his chance to show what he had to contribute to the club and the fans loved him. But at the end, he gets delayed by the club on contract negotiation and finally transferred to rival Manchester City with frustration. This is such a case almost nearing to becoming a reality for me now, but I hold my grudges until the last date before Chinese New Year, the date they promised to sort something out for my career. Time is ticking surely, my patient is also running thin, they know it and nothing still been done.

An extra issue that resembling football is that when a club payed so much money to buy a player supposedly to improve the club but had not yet shown any satisfactory result since so long time, you tend to get frustrated if he had something you desire. He gets a lucrative contract but not even close to our ability, is frustrating to think that we are actually getting less pay than this fag-got. Apologize on the senstitive word, but is frustrating to think about someone who is not good at all is actually double your pay, higher rank than you but doing less than you. And this person is not management staff some more, I tend to do more management than this guy does. So bull shit of the company to hire such a person, wasting the company resources.

Is the time running out for contract negotiation? Will I tolerate the mistreat from the club if the date is elapse at the end? Should I start to look for other clubs to join since there is nothing much I can do to change my situation? These are question I tend to let God and time to answer it, hopefully it will be answer in a nice way...

Cloud 004 : Zen of Regrets

In our life, we have many regrets and most of them is those regret which will haunt us forever. For me, I have many regrets and it has been haunting me until this very day. It chill my spine every time when i remember these regrets, biting my teeth and hitting the walls until my fist bleed. It is very painful indeed, through to the core of my heart.

This recently, I had been revisiting those memories of regrets by unconscious, perhaps because of the recent events that are happening in my life. I had lost a lot of my faith in life, and the belief to chase success again. I regret, regret because of those decision I had made few years ago that haunted me until these very days. I had a rough path in my life because of those decision that I made at those times of my life. It's crazy to think about it, because it had happened in the past but it still bite my heart out every time I experiences some unpleasant events this recent year.

How I wish could go back to those time, when I made important decisions in my life. Although there were many regrets that I can't fix again in the past, there are some that I always remember to remind me of what future possibility could have been. One decision that I had regretted until today is the decision to left a big company which I joined four years ago, it was the biggest mistake in my life which had damaged my career path until today. Because of this decision I had to restart all that I had fight for three years before the decision been made, until today I am still recovering from the damaged of this decision. If I had not been to rash on my decision to gain fame, which are very false fame to be honest, I would have been in the front line of the career I started.

I was young, stupid, and inexperience in life decisions. For the punishment of this mistake, I had to endured so many setback in this 4 years. Arghh, how I wish could return to the time I made the decision, to slap me at that time before making the wrong move in my life. But.... this is life, we have to learn through mistakes, understand them and never repeat this same mistake again.

Because of this lesson, I had stay on the same path for 2 years above, reluctant to leave it path for another challenge. Perhaps, I am still waiting, waiting for sign from above that when my time to go, I will have the chance. But at the moment, the signs shown recently have told me to stay put, maybe until I had accomplish some goals.

I am not sure, but I only can wait. I can't have the luxury to be running around since I had someone to take care of. She also been in a lot stress in life this recently and I have to show all my support to her. Maybe until she have return to her own path in life, then I can consider mine again. Unselfishness...

Regrets are things that let a person grow up, and these lessons in life that make a person rise towards his goals. I believe, I trust, this must be a sign from above. You can read it through many books, written by those who walked through the same journey, living past regrets...

Lets hope for the best this year, hopefully there would be less regrets to lives on....